Issue #5 - 16.06.96 at 2045 (UTC+3)


This is the last issue..

The time has come to set ourselves free from this sometimes crazy job we have been doing here. Last three weeks have been more than an adventure, though we have not gone almost anywhere from this cabin.

39,7 litres of lager beer was needed to compose the result sheets

..and this morning the cabin looked like there had been an air-raid last night.

I do not want to say anything about scoring as a job. Those of you that have done it with a two-man team (one of which does this net thing) for a three-week competition with 88 or even more pilots will know what I mean. Those who have not, will understand when they have made the decision to partake an organization as a scorer and the heat is on.

I know I should write something interesting here, and I think at least the pictorial part of this issue will be that. I am collecting some of the best shots we made (not many) and some pictures from Groundloop that have not been published elsewhere.

Unhappily I don't seem to have all Janet's Digital Eye material left anymore. She had problems with her disk space, and eventually ended up in deleting some of the photos before I managed to save them (I did not know about the situation). I will make a collection of those some day.

Remember, this text is strictly unofficial. Anything said or depicted here can and will change at any moment in time. These stories are not meant to hurt anyone, and the author(s) are deeply sad should that happen. On the other hand, if you decide to wander along the grid with your pajamas on, the risk is yours (grin). Net media is there looking for situations to embarrass people..

Now to the headlines.


A UFO sighting in Räyskälä!!

Yesterday evening, there was a series of UFO sightings here at Räyskälä. These were reported by several people, one of them by our cheerful office clerk Riikka Vilkuna, who actually experienced a close encounter of the third kind. Riikka was trodding towards Lift & Sink on her own, as she was hit by a UFO. Later on in the evening our ever-ready Digital Eye was able to spot one of these. The investigations are still ongoing. As usual, the authorities refuse to comment the incident claiming there was nothing on the radar that time of the evening. Haven't you heard that story before?


I have done my best

Chief scorer Sheik al Kuuno, not knowing his face will appear in this yellow newspaper, agreed on an interview one afternoon before the Press Office.

Unfortunately, all records have been misplaced, and thus I have to re-generate the interview.

underground Loop: 'What's that thing on your head then?'

Sheik al Kuuno: 'This is a hat. I brought it from Cairo. The man I bought it from said it is good in the sunny weather.'

underground Loop: '..or was it: 'For the sunny weather?''

Sheik al Kuuno: 'Let me think.. every day I have worn this, it has been sunny.'

underground Loop (turning to the audience): 'Now the competitors know who made the blue days..'

underground Loop (to al Kuuno): 'You better hide it. They had a rope, tar and down ready at the briefing.'

Sheik al Kuuno: 'OK, but I can also take a full political responsibility for the price of petrol here in Finland, our ridiculous taxation rate, the monumental loss the Finnish ice hockey faced in Vienna, World War II and when it comes to scoring, that's my ballgame also, but I absolutely, definitely deny all claims when it comes to the low birth rate among the Finns. I've done my best.'


Ollie has been declared the Official Competition Idiot

Poor Ollie has been declared the official competition idiot. I am not sure who did it, but I have to say I almost start to feel sorry for the dog. He's not evil, after all. He just has too much power on reserve. Most likely he is among the kindest dogs around. As I saw him yesterday, tied to a pole outside Lift&Sink, freezing in the rain... NAAH! I am getting pathetic. Pity is an illness! Dog's life is freezing in the rain outside a pub. That's it. Why didn't he born as a newt.

As I am writing this, Ollie is raising hell in a game of cricket going on in front of the pub...


'Ken sent me'

Den glider in! Kenny Eklöf, a bright young actor in the Swedish Theatre at Helsinki, having played successfully the role of a crew member for the VB team, won a Nokia-throwing contest on Thursday 13.06. here at the site. The winner did know that this would be his ballgame, though there was lots of bullshitting about the rules, throwing sectors, downwind compensation factor and the day factor amongst the jury, the sole aim of which was to take the prize away from the Flying Finn.

Kenny received a strangest collection of prizes, namely a belt, a thermos bottle, an ashtray and a handful of films. There was a lot of speculation on how to use this set? To relief sexual frustrations? The Finnish team members invented some even more creative uses for the set, none of which can be published here. After all, we do have some morals left.


It rhymes

This is from our restroom's (that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike toilet) door. The old wreckage could not handle the load generated by the closing party, and a special road tanker with a tank full of the thing itself was called to the site from Loppi. Happily this took place only near mid-night. The message of the sign really came true!


The secret behind VB success in Thursday's cat cradle?

As is widely known at the moment, VB, Martti Koivula won the day on Thursday 13th June, contest day 10, when the task set was cat's cradle. We have heard rumours that the Swedes are trying to steal some part of the success claiming that Martti could not have done that (like the Finnish ice hockey team last year without Curt Lindström) without his Finnish-Swedish crew, Ken Eklöf and Harry Sundström. Pathetic. underground Loop suspects there might have been more day victories for Martti without the unnecessary worry about the Anaconda Shows and other tricks this merry crew was busily planning in Lift & Sink.


Start time lottery box

Lots of team captains have been deeply worried about a certain gray box in the competition office, where they have been asked to return the start times of their pilots. As explains our office correspondent, this box has been used to lot the daily winner. All team captains had to drop in a piece of paper, then the girls would really shake it, and the winner was lifted from the box by those two ugly guys in the red barrack behind the hangar. One of the officials seemed to be worried about us as he was watching us a lot. We have to admit that we were not presentable to the customer. But the job we did was totally neutral. We always closed our eyes before drawing the winning ticket...


Our scoring team really blew it!

Can you trust anything in today's world? After the yesterday's (Day 10) cat's cradle, we received some worried requests about the distances the pilots had flown. There was a clear indication of a mistake somewhere, and as we calculated by hand the first leg of the flown route for one of the askers, it was dead wrong.

Scorers had screwed up during the early morning hours and as it caused errors, and they had to re-calculate everything in store for day ten. As it didn't take them more than three hours, they were told to do it twice. And once for the open class earlier cat's cradle.

Our competition director Tapsa beating the hell out of the scoring team in front of a cheering audience.

You just can't get good stuff nowadays!


High tech forum

The precision of our meteo men has been widely acknowledged by the teams, and much text about the ultra-fast and precise weather reports they have been delivering throughout the contest has been written.

This article depicts the most useful device Tapio T. has been using along the way. This short term weather forecasting instrument works accurately, has a minimal power consumption, does not make noise or pollute, is very easy to build, and once you've installed it, you can forget it. It requires absolutely no maintenance.

To give some contrast to this thing: we spent the practise week trying to make a Computerized High Resolution Multimedia Weather Map Projection and Asynchronous Data Communication System to work. Eventually, we made it. But it took us four days. On the contrary, AAYIR r.y. (the Finnish Association of the Glider Crews Without Money) built this in just some hanging over morning hours. In the following pictorial, you can see the details of this device that has also been used as the primary task setting aid by our bosses.

This picture should give you a general idea of the device. The pointer is a spruce-branch.

Lazy crews prefer this kind of a weather...

..but here in Finland at this time of the year the display is usually like this.

This device was donated to Tapio Tourula of the Finnish Meteorological Institute in the briefing this morning by the maker Jaska Virtanen from AAYIR ry.


Ollie strikes again!

Ollie taking a moment for himself after a good catch.

We had an article before of Ollie the Terminator, whose hobby is to chase everything that moves. Ollie has now included a standard class glider in his list of kills. This poor pilot was taking a tow and when Ollie noticed the thing starting to move... KA-ZAM! off he went and finally made an astounding kill, forcing the pilot to land out as his rudder was stuck.


8th European Gliding Championships '96 - underground Loop #5 on guenther-eichhorn.com


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